What To Do About Sarcasm

Oct 29 – Just Kidding?

Ephesians 4:29 is one of those verses that always gets me.  “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”  What?!  Do not let ANY unwholesome talk come out of your mouths?  Or what about a few verses later when it says, “Nor should there be oscenity, foolish talk, or coarse joking…”  Holy cow!  If you combine all of those things, that makes speech one very difficult thing to control.

I heard a quote once that said, “In every word of sarcasm, there’s a bit of truth.”  That’s the danger in it.  While we may intend for some of the disrespectful or mean words we say to be taken jokingly, oftentimes, the person we speak to will walk away hurt, not because they think we’re completely serious but because maybe we hit on some slkice of truth that really does hurt them.  For me, sarcasm is a weapon.  I use it when I feel backed into a corner or when I’m upset with someone but don’t want to confront the person about it.  In high school, one of my friends used sarcasm so much that I just didn’t want to be around him.  It was impossible to be in a conversation with him without him making you feel bad about yourself for something you did or just feel stupid for something you said.  That was his way of getting attention and making people laugh.  It worked, but it hurt, and it definitely affected our friendship.

Now I am the first to tell you that I am rather senstive to words.  I was raised to value them highly and to be careful when using them, so I admittedly respond more strongly to them than many people do.  That being said though, words really do have power.  I think we tend to forget that, especially in this age of computers and cell phones where we can so easily hide behind a screen when we talk to people.  As you talk to people this week, whether in person, online, or in a text message, focus on that second part of the first verse from today -  use words that are”helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”  It may encourage someone you didn’t even know needed encouraging!

Redemption on Both Sides of the Social Ladder – Share Your Stories!

This poem rings so true for me.  I struggled through those years too, wanting nothing more than to feel accepted.  As I got pushed aside, I dreamed the same things Heather did – of “walking up to them suddenly beautiful and unafraid” – and I still do.  I still feel like I have something to prove to those girls in the “cool group.”  The 13-year-old inside of me still fights to keep my eyes from dropping to the ground when certain people pass by.  The 13-year-old inside of me still craves their acceptance…

But mine is not the first of these stories you have heard.  There are plenty of people who share about their middle or high school years when they were teased, pushed aside, or just wanted to be popular.  They happily share with their audience just how far they have come…

But what about the people on the other side of the fence?  What about the ones who spent those years a little higher up on the perceived social ladder?  I wish I could share a story with you here and tell you what it was like, but I can’t.

Here’s what I do know – There is healing for the hurting, as well as the one who brings the hurt.  There is healing for the broken, as well as the one who does the breaking.  Paul, the author of nearly half of the New Testament, was one of the greatest persecutors of Christians right after Jesus left the earth.  He worked to find the Christians and either jail them or kill them.  And yet God redeemed even his hatred for the gospel and made him one of the founders of the Christian church.

No matter where you are in the social world, I invite you to share your stories.  It can be either where you are or where you have been in the past.  It can be the ways you have been hurt or the ways God has healed you.  Whatever it is, please share with us! 

New Creation – The Power of Community

Oct 19 – God’s Love

I couldn’t stand it.  Everywhere I looked, people were better than me.  They were better writers, better athletes, and better musicians with better personalities and better looks.  And it wasn’t just anyone who I saw as better than me – it was my best friends, the people closest to me.  Wasn’t there anything I could excel at?  I beat myself up.  I wrote poems about it, songs about it.  I cried about it and got angry about it.  But for the longest time, nothing seemed to change it.

I don’t know exactly when it happened.  Those thoughts and attitudes certainly didn’t disappear all of a sudden but there was one thing that I know made an incredible difference in the way I saw myself - living in community, especially the one God had provided for me.  These new best friends surrounded me with unconditional love, hard truth, endless encouragement, and wisdom beyond their years.  To have people know your weaknesses and to love you intentionally in spite of them is a powerful thing.  They showed me love the way that Jesus does – sacrificially and honestly – and they saw me, in many ways, the way He does, the way I could not see myself.  In time, God used them to soften my heart and allow God into a piece of me that had been closed off.  Immersed in Christ-centered fellowship, vulnerability, and genuine affirmation, my view of myself began to change.  It took time, it took willingness on my part to let go of some lies I had been believing, it took persistance on God’s part to finally break through – but one of His most powerfully effective vessels in my life has been that community of friends.

I can look back at my life amazed and see the truth that “if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Corinthians 5:17).  It is only by God’s grace that I have come as far as I have (and I am NOT finished with this struggle!), but I know the ways God got through to me.  I encourage you to find that kind of community in your own life.  If you have one like it, then thank God for that today.  If you don’t, or if you haven’t been able to share your failings with people, pray for that.  Pray for people who will surround, encourage, and affirm you.  Pray for the courage to share with others the places you are weakest or most afraid.  God did not intend for us to live or walk through life alone.

My friends, if you happen to read this, you know who you are.  I hope one day you understand what an incredible impact God has allowed you to have on my life.

Sharing Your Faith and The Denomination Dilemma

Sept 24 – A Buddhist Monastery

It is such a blessing to be in a country where we have the freedom to learn about and dialogue with other religions.  Not everyone has such easy access to people with cultures and belief systems that are different from the majority. 

Between church activities and school clubs, I have always found it easy to spend most if not all of my time with Christians.  To some people, this may sound like a dream come true, but really, living in a “Christian bubble” can be a dangerous thing.  We can lose the ability to relate to people who believe differently than we do.  Cocooning ourselves inside Christian circles doesn’t do anything to spread the news about who Jesus is and the kingdom He brought to earth.  The struggle here is to find the balance between Christian influences and other influences – I believe that those closest to you should be Christian because they influence you most, but to shut out other people entirely is not the way we are to live either.  As you try to follow Christ with your life and as you live with and around people who don’t claim the name “Christian,” you will (most likely at some point) be asked about what you believe, how you live, and why.  1 Peter 3:15-16 gives us guidance in how to deal with these situations:  “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect…” 

Especially as you continue to discover who you are as a person and as a Christian, welcome and enjoy the Christian fellowship and friendship that you have, but also, don’t be afraid of the people who don’t look, act, or believe like you do.  Take the time to listen to their story, whatever that may be, to learn something about people in general and to show that person that you care.  Then when the opportunity arises, be willing and able to share what your faith means to you in a way that honors God and respects the other person.

Sept 25 – Not So Different

“Denomination.”  It’s a big word and I find that many people in the church, even adults, don’t know when to use it.  If you’re talking about church, the word is referring to the different divisions of Christian churches that are out there – Baptist, United Methodist, Lutheran, Catholic, Episcopal, Assembly of God, etc.  These “brands” of Christianity hold nearly identical core beliefs but differ on other major issues such as baptism, free will, and other things.  You may or may not notice significant differences in the services for each of these churches.  They may use hymnals or a big screen, play music with an organ or electric guitars, have the choir dancing up front or unmoving in the back – and one Baptist or United Methodist church may be very unlike another Baptist or United Methodist church.

So how do you figure out where you fit?  Is one right and the others wrong?  If you go to a Presbyterian church, are you automatically Presbyterian?  Those can be very hard questions.  If you have been in this situation or find yourself there now, here are my heartfelt words to you – Do NOT worry about it.  Spend some time checking out different churches.  Find the place where the teaching inspires you, where God and His son Jesus become more real to you, where you see ways that you can serve, and where you are challenged to grow in your life as a Christian.  Visit a denomination’s website for information about their specific beliefs if it is a concern to you, or make an appointment to talk with a pastor.  And while it is far from being the most important thing, find a place where the style of music excites you and the style of dress is what you are comfortable with.

In John 17, Jesus prays to His Father God for us – you and me, believers in Jesus in 2007 – and He prays this:

I pray also for those who will believe in me through [the disciples'] message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.

According to one reliable source, there are approximately 38,000 Christian denominations in the world.  I long for the day when Jesus’ prayer will come to fulfillment.

*I have been involved with many wonderful denominations in my life.  If this is something you struggle with and would like to chat about or ask questions about, please feel free to use me as a sounding board.

A Reminder of Kindness

Sept 12 – The New Kid

I want to go to Europe.  If you’ve known me for very long, you probably know that.  But here’s the thing about Europe that blows my mind – how the heck do you find your way around???  Ok, so you can go to England or Scotland and maybe make it all right but what if you went to France or Italy or Spain?  Or smaller countries with lesser known languages like Poland or The Czech Republic?  Then what?  I don’t know!  But I know I would be dependent upon the kindness of the people there to get me where I needed to go, whether to a train station, an airport, or a bathroom.

You know, in the good ol’ U-S-of-A, we forget pretty easily how difficult it is to be a foreigner in a strange country.  But we see ”foreigners” everyday.  They come from a different country or a different state or a different part of town.  And if you’ve ever gone to a camp where you knew no one or switched to a new school, then you have been a foreigner as well.  Do you remember how it felt?

In the verse for today, God tells us that we are to treat the foreigners among us as though they are citizens – after all, we’ve been foreigners before too, haven’t we?  (*Sidenote:  Certain versions of the Bible use the word “aliens” for this verse – anytime you see that in the Bible, it’s talking about someone living in a country that’s not their own.)  Wherever you are a “regular”, whether that’s at school, some activity like dance or theater, or a coffee shop, make sure to reach out in kindness to the people you know are from somewhere else.  You never know when the kindness might need to be returned – and when you might find a new friend!

*Today shall be a one-entry day.  It’s back to 2 tomorrow!

Hallway Horrors – A Change in Conversation and Loving Like Jesus

Sept 10 – The Power of Jest

The verse for today is one of my favorites.  I think it came in most handy in high school when I had to work on keeping my conversations positive, and I wish I had had it in middle school when joking quickly turned inappropriate or vulgar.  The magazine gives you part of it but here’s the whole thing:

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.  Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk, or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.  – Ephesians 5:3-4

Um, how hard is this to do???  “Not…even a hint”?  In today’s world, that’s practically impossible!  That being said though, we are chosen by God to be His holy people.  The word “holy” means “set apart.”  Sure, everyone else at school or on TV might be diving into sexual immorality or making fun of people or bad language but that doesn’t mean that you need to – set yourselves apart for God by living as an example in the way that you talk with your friends.  Take on that challenge to remove all of that kind of language and conversation from your daily life. 

One day this week when you’re hanging out with your friends, I encourage you to stop and listen.  Is the majority of conversation negative?  Vulgar?  Filled with sexual jokes or swearing?  If this is something you feel convicted about (feeling guilty with the desire to change), consider what it would take for you to stop participating in that with your friends.  I’m not asking you to stop talking to them or even to say anything to them about the things they talk about, but take responsibility for you and clean up your act.  Don’t be surprised if people notice and be prepared to share with them that you’re trying to make your language pleasing to God and uplifting to other people.

 

Sept 11 – All Alone

The girl who wrote this story has walked a difficult road.  Not only did she have a baby in high school, something which requires swallowing a lot of pride and great emotional strength, but she also faced the cruel abandonment of her friends.

There are so many issues and struggles people go through that seem to drive away friends who don’t know how to react or who are too fast to judge.  Some people might struggle with depression, other mental illness, pornography, self-injury, or same-sex attraction.  Others may have gone through a pregnancy at a very early age, had an abortion, or experienced abuse.  Some may have gone through the death or illness of a parent or close friend.  Any or all of these things have been known in the past (and present) to shame or isolate the very person who is already hurting.  When we surround the people in these situations with love, we recognize the hurt they have been through and demonstrate our willingness to walk through their struggles with them, giving them the hope and assurance that they are not alone and have someone to lean on when times get tough.  Even though it may be hard for us (and for them) and even though they may mess up along the way, our hope-giving love and understanding in the midst of these situations can literally save someone’s life. 

In John 8:1-11, Jesus’ wise words save a woman from being stoned (killed by having rocks thrown at her) after she had an affair with someone’s husband.  There are many lessons to take away from this story but what I wonder tonight is if anyone walked with her after Jesus rescued her.  Did some woman from her village take her hand and tell her she would help her as she fought to change her life?  Did anyone love her enough to say “Yeah, I know what you did, but you’re after a different life now.  How can I support?”  Would I have done that?  I wonder.

Ask God to expand your heart to include the people who struggle with things you don’t understand.  Pray for the wisdom to know when to reach out and the courage to follow through.  It’s one of the best ways I know to “be Jesus” to someone.

*Sidenote:  The verse from today is what the Hebrews verse from last week quotes.  Deuteronomy 31:8b says “[The Lord] will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you.  Do not fear or be dismayed.” 

God’s Masterpiece

Sept 8-9  Getting Along

What a great story!  I guess siblings don’t have to fight forever…

Here’s what I love about this article:  Do you hear how much Aubrey loves her brother?  Do you hear in her words how highly she thinks of him and how much she respects him?  Do you see how she was willing to let go of the things that focused attention on her to serve him instead?

Ephesians 2:10 says that “We are God’s masterpiece…”  My problem is that I don’t always treat people as though they are God’s masterpieces.  Sometimes, I treat them like they’re rough drafts – messed up and not worth a whole lot.

It’s harder to see God inside the members of your own family.  You are with them most of the time, you see every day the ways they mess up, and you feel very deeply the times they have hurt you.  But they are made in the image of God, just like you are.  They have value, just like you do.

Try something this week.  Write “God’s masterpiece” somewhere where you will see it often.  It could be on a school binder, in your locker, on a bathroom mirror at home, or even on your hand (if your parents are okay with that).  Each time you look at it, let it be a reminder that every person you see and interact with is God’s masterpiece.  Let that truth change the ways you talk to people.

The tips Aubrey mentions are incredibly helpful for strengthening all kinds of relationships, and the thing they all have in common is a willingness to actively love and serve the other person.  If you have a specific friendship that you would like to work on, try putting some of her suggestions into practice and place the other person ahead of yourself.  Give them the benefit of the doubt, even when they might not deserve it.  Listen when you would rather talk.  Fight for them and their honor when you would rather let them stumble.  At least on occasion, compromise your own ”wants” for theirs.  Learning to love well takes time, but these will help you along the way.

A Hard Verse and An Only Child

Sept 3 – Twins for Christ

The squib (fun word) for today starts out with a verse that has always been a difficult one for people to read and understand.  Luke 14:26 quotes Jesus saying “You cannot be my disciple, unless you love me more than you love your father and mother, your wife and children, and your brothers and sisters…”  Some translations even say “If anyone come to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters – yes, even his own life – he cannot be my disciple.” [italics mine]  That sounds so harsh!  Let’s look at it in context and see if it makes more sense:

Start in Luke 14:25 (if you don’t have a Bible, use the BibleGateway.com link at the bottom of this page).  Large crowds were following Jesus and then He turns to them and says basically that they can’t be His disciples unless they hate their family.  Then He continues by asking them a few questions – If you wanted to build a tower, wouldn’t you first figure out if you had enough money to build it?  If a king is about to go to war against another king, shouldn’t he first figure out if his army will be able to stand up against the opposing forces? 

So what do towers and strategy have to do with Jesus?

Building something huge, going to war – these things require a major commitment.  You either give everything you have to that project or it fails.  Before making the huge decision to proceed with either of these, you have to consider the cost of what you’re about to undertake – it might cost you more than you’re willing to give up.  Being Jesus’ disciple requires the same kind of commitment and consideration.  Have you thought about the cost of following Christ?  Are you willing to give up everything?  (There’s a reason this is called a “narrow road”! – Matthew 7:13-14) 

I think our author in DevoZine, Ryan, makes a great point about the first verse we looked at – even though he was extremely close to his twin sister, once they were separated, he was able to realize that Jesus was the ultimate sibling, the ultimate father and mother, the ultimate companion.  Our lives should be focused on and lived for Him alone, even above our families.

The journal questions for today are great:  What does it mean to you that Christ is your brother?  How close are you?  What can you do to strengthen this relationship?  What would it mean to make Christ Number One in your life?

Sept 4 – Sisters

As soon as I saw the topic for this first week of September, I laughed.  I’m supposed to write stuff about siblings when I don’t even have any???  How is that going to work? 

Yes, it’s true.  I am an only child.  I realize that there aren’t very many of us so, if you’ve never met one, now you have!  (Let’s just get this out of the way now – yes, some of us are spoiled rotten, but most of us are just plain spoiled, just like you are, ok?  )

Over the years, so many people have asked me, “You’re an only child?  Wow.  Did you like it?”  Well, this is real life and, like anything in real life, being an only child has its high points and low points.  I must admit that, even in fairly recent years, I have had times when I wanted a sibling.  When I was younger, I used to ask for a little sister all the time, like most kids do.  And now that I’m older, I’ve seen some really beautiful sibling relationships that make me wonder.But there are two really neat things I want to point out —  

Proverbs 18:24 says, “…there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”  Even if you don’t have siblings, be encouraged!  God has given us people in our lives with whom we can build relationships that are even closer than the ones we have with our family.

Secondly, if you have some time, take a look at the friendship between David (yes, David-and-Goliath David, King David – it’s all the same guy) and Jonathan.  You can read most of their story in 1 Samuel 18-20.  Jonathan was the son of Saul who was king of Israel just before David was.  If God hadn’t intervened, Jonathan would have been king instead of David but not even this could come between them.  These two men of God had one of the closest friendships in the whole Bible.  It is those kinds of friendships that reassure me as an only child that God has not given me any less ability to love.

As God would have it, I found sisters too.  I’m not in a sorority like the devo’s author, but my roommates from my senior year of college are, oddly enough, both only children as well.  We share as sisters, act as sisters, laugh as sisters, and love as sisters, and I could not be more thankful for their presence in my life.  

Today, spend some time thanking God for the siblings you have, even if they’re not related to you.  And if you’re an only child feeling particularly lonely today, know that you are not alone and that God is more than able to fill that void with Himself and in time, may bring along friends to be the siblings you never had.